How To Improve Your RelationshipMonday, April 29, 2013
Hello! Today I'd like to share something with you girls which I found very interesting and super helpful! ♥
The past couple of months has been tough on my relationship with my boyfriend, things became pretty tense due to our increased fights.
I'm not sure if most couples experience this as well when their relationship has reached a certain length of time? But it sure was driving me crazy. It was so taxing on the both of us and sometimes it feels like we've reached the end of the road. So, I went online to see if there was any helpful information that could possibly save my relationship and I found this:
Contrary to all the other articles about having to talk things out and compromise, Barbara Graham takes on a different approach.
"Forget everything you've heard about frankness, sharing your feelings, getting him to express his. New research into the male mind makes it clear that discussion may be the fastest way to shut down communication. (Oh, you noticed that, have you?)"
I'm one of those typical girls who just needs to talk things out. And then spend hours going round and round the same topic because the answer is probably not what we wanted to hear to feel better or because we feel so hurt we need to reiterate it until the other party "understands". Little did I expect that behaving this way was just making things worse, I thought I was trying to work things out. Major wake up call.
Sidenote to all my fellow drama queens out there; I know how tough it is to have to speak calmly and tactfully when you feel like you're about to explode!
"As girls grow, they go beyond needing eye contact and refine a coping strategy identified by UCLA psychologists as "tend and befriend." If there's a conflict, girls and women want to talk about it. Boys and men, however, need to pull away. A man's greatest suffering, Stosny says, comes from the shame he feels when he doesn't measure up—which is why discussing relationship problems (i.e., what he's doing wrong) offers about as much comfort as sleeping on a bed of nails."
Over the past two weeks, I 'tested' the advice and let things that I would previously be really unhappy about slide more frequently, and also tried not to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment that would "shame" him. (Hehe I still fail and end up losing my temper at times, but I really am trying!) And I'm happy to report that these efforts paid off and there is indeed improvement!
So to all who are dealing with tons of fights and cold wars in a relationship right now, it's not the end :) Hope this helps!