Letter to My Kayla..

Dear Kayla,

Last night we brought you along for a meeting and after an hour of playing on your own you cried. Not because you fell or hurt yourself. You cried because you felt lonely, because you did not understand why you had to play alone when we are only a few feet away. That broke our heart.

We hope one day when you grow up you will understand that papa and mama are both working hard now so you and your sister will have a more comfortable life in the future. 

You might not remember this but for the first 6months of your life, we were with you all day everyday. Those days brought us so much joy, and was probably the turning point in our lives as well. You gave us the strength and motivation to work harder than ever, hoping that one day we can give you the best there is in the world. 

I will never forget the first time you smiled at me. It was late at night and I was trying to rock you to sleep. Only a small night light was on. You were crying before this, and would only quieten down after I carried you around and rocked you gently - it was the same thing every night. I was honestly so tired at that point, and then suddenly you looked up at me and smiled so sweetly my heart melted. I so badly wanted to run to somebody and show them your smile, but everyone else at home was sound asleep except the both of us. It was like a secret moment we shared, an unforgettable moment for me for sure. 

These days you'll wait for me at the door when I'm driving into the porch, and then excitedly exclaim "mama mama!" I love that so so much, especially on days when I'm feeling drained from work. Sometimes when you get really really excited you'd even start dancing haha. And then you'd start telling me about little things that excite you like your new cash register toy or if meimei is sleeping or request for me to bring you out to eat french fries. 

On days when I'm less busy we'd spend mornings cuddling in bed together to watch videos or read stories. These kinds of days are the best. We'd then have lunch together with meimei before I start on whatever work it is I need clear. And in between we get to play playdoh or lego, together with meimei too :) Mama is working towards us having more days like this, I promise.