Work, work, work and the end of my breastfeeding journey

Today is a very rare day where I get to leave the shop at 6plus.. I can't believe I'm actually sitting in front of my computer now eating dinner while typing this, feels like heaven.

When friends in the industry told me that the hours for working in F&B is very long, I was like "okay no prob!"... expecting maybe 8-10hrs of work everyday? But no.... omg it is soooo insane. 

Our soft launch was a week ago on 11th October, that day I reached the shop at 930am to set up, and didn't sit eat or drink anything from about 1030am until 8plus at night when we sold-out. After that I had quick dinner, helped to wash up till almost 12am. Then I had to start preparing sauces for the next day and reached home about 2am. I then had to bathe and settle paperwork etc, and finally slept at 4am. And back to work again the next morning. Yes the hours are really really really long.

We really thought that we could finally breathe after the construction and media tastings are settled, but boy it just gets more and more tiring. The stress level is also so crazy, imagine hoards of people continuously joining the queue and getting angry at you when you're sold-out or if they have to wait for a long time. And then I go online after work to see "owners stuck up and didn't apologise for long wait"?! HUHHHHH.. the day when somebody wrote that (monday) I wasn't even at the cashier, I was just focused on trying to fulfil as many orders as possible so people don't have to wait even longer. I really didn't think people will be angry with us cos we're sold-out or if they have to wait when there is a queue. And I do feel bad when some people commented that our churros are not worth it after waiting for many hours. To be honest, I personally don't think any churro in the world no matter how yummy is worth a 3hr wait. That being said, there were also many nice people who posted on instagram that we are worth waiting for haha, these are the little things that really make my day now. I mean to see that after going through all that work, pretty incredible feeling heh. 

(This was the queue at the shop on Monday morning, 11am)

(The queue on monday, taken by danielfooddiary - yes we were working to the bone in that tiny kitchen)

After all that complaining, bottom-line I do feel happy and appreciative that our sales have been super good, but as a person working in the shop all day everyday, I just feel really burnt out. 

Anyway, the main point of this post is more of me abruptly reaching the end of my breastfeeding journey. It was totally unexpected and my heart is breaking every single day when I come home to see Kayla. The first few days were the hardest because I'd hug her for 5mins when I rushed home in between to get supplies for the store, and when I passed her to my helper cos I really have to go she'd look at me and cry. My plan all along was to breastfeed her until she's at least one years old and then slowly wean her off it. Everyday I feel so guilty because I just suddenly disappeared from her life like that, I didn't even have the chance to be there for her during the transition period. We used to co-sleep but now she has to sleep with my helper permanently cos by the time we're home its usually past 12am.  So many times I ask myself if this is really worth me missing out on my daughter's life sighs. 

The irony of things is that my helper left her son to take care of my daughter hoping that she could give him a better life next time, and I'm hiring her to take care of my daughter in hopes that I can give her a better life next time. Being a working mom is really not easy. Am just hoping that our staff will be more trained soon so we'll be able to carve out more time for Kayla.